She was going for the longest time. Still, she didn’t get anywhere. Bed, desk, window, bed, desk, window – Alice collapsed on the bed. She hugged Bartholomew tight. ‘I am cuddling a teddy bear!’ she thought.

She got up, and stepped to the desk. She sat down, pushed her chair in, opened her laptop, her fingers hovered over the keys.

She closed the laptop, put her hands on her desk, pushed her chair back.

She went to the window. Houses, houses, houses. Rooftops, chimneys, pavement.

She collapsed on the bed, and hugged Bartholomew tight. ‘I am totally ridiculous,’ she thought.

She sat at her desk and opened her laptop.

‘Don’t turn.’ She stopped looking at the pavement, and turned swiftly. ‘I said do not turn,’ someone laughed from behind her back. Someone she knew only too well.

Alice grabbed the hands that held her shoulders. ‘You –?’

‘Shh! We have to go now.’

She didn’t ask where they had to go or why. She knew. It was clear for her for the longest time that she had to leave. When she finally stepped out of her world of the bed, desk and window, she sighed.

‘See?’ smiled the other.

Alice nodded.

‘Where are they?’

She didn’t say, of course they were at Nanny’s. Edmund must be reading at the kitchen table, Pete should be sleeping hugging Leo tight, his blanket at the end of his bed as usual, and Dot must be struggling to go to sleep on the guest bed. She knew the question wasn’t about this.

‘How should I know?’ she whispered instead.

‘Oh, you should,’ winked the other.

Alice stayed quiet.

‘All right,’ she said after a while, ‘let’s go then.’

They set off. Their steps echoed in the night but the city ignored them, it was fast asleep.

–

Dorothy found her blanket on the floor again. She leaned to pick it up, but then she decided not to. She slipped out of the old, smelly guest bed, and she sneaked out of the room.

She peeked into the kitchen. Edmund was sitting at the kitchen table. He pushed away the embroidered table cloth, the ashtray that nobody has ever used, the bowl filled with walnuts, the cork-screw and the chopping board, to make space for his huge lexicons. He was totally absorbed in them.

Dot looked at him for a while, then she coughed discretely. ‘Dad!’ she whispered. No reaction. ‘Dad!’ she called a bit louder, still careful not to wake Nanny sleeping in the living room.

Edmund continued his reading. Dot watched for a little while as the yellow light of the small lamp lit her father’s face. Then, she crossed the kitchen and stepped into the hall. She looked back from the doorway. There was no sign of Edmund having noticed anything, so she exited the door.

Dorothy didn’t normally walk the streets at night. Still, she wasn’t scared at all. She wasn’t scared even when she noticed the Dark Figure approaching. She just continued walking decisively and she turned into a side street as if she had always wanted to go that way.

She didn’t look back. She didn’t hear any footsteps behind her. Still, she knew she was being followed.

Dot took a deep breath and slowed her steps.

This caught the Dark Figure off guard. He stopped dead.

Dot perceived this and, feeling victorious, she clicked her tongue. She stopped and turned.

The Dark Figure couldn’t help but stepped back.

Dot laughed at him, and she murmured a quick spell. ‘Dog ear, cat tail, creature’s retail. Snap!’ she had only just came up with it. Still, it was effective nonetheless.

Then, she ran.

–

Alice needed both her hands to hold the branches. Her clothes kept getting caught in spikes, thorns scratched her, vines tried to hold her back. Her steps were already unsure.

She noticed that she was all alone, only when she got to the clearing. ‘Typical!’ she hissed. She knew that it was too late now to turn back.

The gate was open. You could see through it. Of course you could see nothing special through it, only the clearing all around the old, stone framed, iron gate that stood lonely in the middle of the clearing. ‘Oh, no!’ Alice sighed. She knew, of course, that there was no other way.

She sat down on the grass, in front of the gate and waited for a while. Everything was quiet. The trees around seemed dark, even the moon had disappeared behind a black cloud. ‘Not again!’ cried Alice out loud. She knew there was no one to hear her. She knew there was no one to aid her.

–

Dorothy saw the sign and she knew that was the one. She grabbed the door handle, but the door didn’t move. Dot got her keyring out and tried the keys one after the other, even if it was perfectly clear for her that none of them would fit into the rusty lock. She kicked the door angrily. ‘Shit!’ she hissed.

She knew perfectly well that the spell can only hold the Dark Figure for so long, and he will catch up with her any minute now. She thought really hard.

She turned her back to the door, so that the visual didn’t distract her. This is when she understood.

She laid her palm on the sign.

The next moment, she pulled her hand back because the door was so cold, it burned her palm. It did open though.

As soon as she banged the door behind herself, Dot could hear the ragged breathing of the Dark Figure from the other side.

She leaned to the door and waited patiently until the Dark Figure finally gave up trying all his keys and trying to break the door by sheer physical force.

Dot sighed. She knew that the sign had disappeared long ago from the crumbling wooden panel of the door.

She sat off in the narrow corridor, walking towards a spot of light far away.

–

Alice put her hand on the door handle, but she pulled it back immediately. It was so cold, it burned her palm. Instead, she pushed the door with her foot. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She stepped through the door.

She stood there for a moment, with her eyes closed, not daring to breath. Then, she opened her eyes. She still stood in the very same clearing. She was baffled. She stood at the other side of the gate, but she could see the exact same dark trees, the exact same black cloud hiding the moon. ‘Shit!’ she hissed.

She stepped back through the door, even though it was perfectly clear for her that it didn’t matter at all from which side you enter the gate. She just had to enter. Somehow.

She sat down again. She tried a few spells, but none of them worked. She covered her face with her palms. She was thinking of her daughter who would certainly solve the puzzle in no time at all. ‘Dot,’ she whispered.

That was it. The iron gate opened all by itself and suddenly bright light swept through the clearing. Alice stood up and stepped through the door.

She found herself in a hospital corridor. She froze. It was all so white, all so sterile.

‘What are you doing here?’ a fat nurse shouted at her. ‘Go home, girl, visiting hours are over now.’

Alice murmured something like an apology and she turned back, unsure. Even so, she could only see white tiles, white walls, white doors. And the smell! The smell of steriliser and medicines, the smell of illness. Alice felt sick. She held onto a white rail and closed her eyes. She tried to regulate her breathing, and she kept repeating to herself, ‘I shall wake up. I will wake up. I will wake up, right now!’

Somebody touched her shoulder. Alice opened her eyes, relieved. But it wasn’t Edmund. It was an incredibly tall old man in white clothes. He reeked of hospital smells, and when he opened his mouth, Alice got horrified how few teeth he had.

‘Run, girl,’ the man urged her, ‘run away while you still can!’

Alice stood there frozen until another nurse led the old man away. Then, she started to run. She turned left, she turned right, but there were the same white walls, the same white tiles, the same white doors and the same white smells everywhere.

Finally, she noticed a female washroom sign. She burst in, and buried her face in ice cold water in her hands. She felt somewhat better. As soon as she lifted her head, she had to step back.

There was a little girl in the mirror. She was maybe Dorothy’s age, she was somewhat similar to Dot, but it wasn’t her. It wasn’t Alice’s daughter.

Still, Alice knew she knew this girl. She looked and looked until she realised that it was she herself – as a little girl.

She looked at her hands. There was no wedding ring, there was no scar that she got soon after her mum died, when she fell through the window pane while scrubbing it. She looked at her T-shirt, jeans, shoes. She realised that she was wearing her favourite clothes – of when she was a little girl, more than two decades ago.

She smiled at her reflection. The little Alice smiled back at her. Alice spun around herself. Once, twice, three times. She spun until she felt dizzy. She held onto the sink, then she pulled herself together, gave her reflection a huge big grin, and she toussled her hair to make it less tidy, like she used to do when she was little.

Alice left the washroom feeling incredibly light, and she started to systematically look for the exit of the hospital.

–

Dot felt that she was walking for hours and hours and she was still not closer at all to the light. She stopped, leaned to the wall and thought hard. Since she had no better idea, she stomped once.

She was quite surprised by the effect. Right in front of her, the ceiling fell, the walls that were opposite, leaned to one another, and by the time the dust of the ruins settled, it was quite clear that she couldn’t go forward anymore. ‘Shit!’ she hissed.

Just then, she had a very bad feeling. She turned, and yes, she saw the Dark Figure who was striding towards her, furious.

Dot didn’t stop to think about possible consequences. She stomped once in that direction too.

Nothing happened this time. She tried again with the other foot, just in case. No, nothing.

‘So that’s it then,’ she thought and she looked at the ceiling.

There was a hole where the ceiling fell down. Dot was a pretty good swimmer. She had never yet tried it in the air, but it was clear for her that the time for that has just come. She kicked herself away from the ground and swam upwards.

After a few strokes, she looked back. The Dark Figure was down there, under the hole in the ceiling, on the top of the ruins. He was fuming. Dorothy clicked her tongue, victorious and swam on, upwards.

–

She was unable to find the exit. There was only that sterile whiteness everywhere.

Suddenly, she spotted a glass wall. Even in her hurry, she stopped to enjoy her new reflection in the glass. She grinned at the little Alice, and she was about to run on, when she spotted someone behind the glass wall. ‘Mum!’ she shouted.

She rushed into the room with the glass wall. There were patients in each bed, but no one cared about her sudden appearance. Everyone had disoriented, empty looks. Her mother too.

Alice sat at the edge of the hospital bed, and she touched her mother’s lifeless hand. There was no sign of her noticing Alice’s presence. ‘Mum!’ whispered Alice. The patient shivered a tiny bit. ‘Mum, Mum! It’s me. Alice,’ Alice squeezed her mother’s limp hand.

‘No more,’ the patient said softly, ‘not anymore. Ever.’

‘Mum,’ Alice stood up and leaned really close to the patient’s face. Her mother still looked into some emptiness behind her daughter, she couldn’t see her.

‘Come on, Mum,’ Alice said, ‘I’ll take you home.’ She started to pull the patient with all her might. It took her quite a while to give it up. She sat on the edge of the bed again, and pushed her face in her mother’s lifeless palm.

‘You don’t want me to die like this, do you?’

Alice sprang up. ‘No, Mum, of course not!’

Her mother looked into Alice’s eyes for a long time. She slid something in Alice’s hand. ‘Then take this, and run!’ she whispered.

Alice held it tight. It was hard, smooth and warm.

The patient collapsed back to her pillow, and the machine next to her bed, that Alice had only just noticed, started beeping furiously. Alice looked at the dead body that was connected to the beeping machine with like a million tubes and wires.

‘That’s it for the 22,’ Alice heard a nurse’s bored and tired voice from the corridor.

‘OK, I’ll switch it off in a minute,’ said another nurse’s bored and tired voice.

Alice straightened the lifeless hand on top of the blanket. She looked at what she had in her hand: it was a simple, white pebble. Alice smiled to herself. She knew fully well that the dead body in the bed had no connection anymore with her mother. She squeezed the pebble, and ran out of the room. She ran and ran, until she found the exit, quickly this time. And she exited.

–

Dorothy, after leaving the Dark Figure behind, if only temporarily, simply enjoyed swimming in the air. It was wonderful.

She only noticed after a long while what was she surrounded with – or with whom, actually. The creatures were tiny, chubby and grey. They stared at her with their huge, sad, opal eyes from every direction. They were clinging on the walls with their ridiculously short and thick limbs. They were practically everywhere.

When she noticed them, she fell a few meters before she realised that she needs to swim on otherwise she would end up on top of the Dark Figure way down under her.

Dot was curious. She slowed down, only using her legs to keep herself afloat, and she examined the little sad creatures.

‘You can stop, you know,’ said one of them.

‘Then I will fall down!’ Dot said, without being the least bit surprised that she was able to understand the language of the creature.

‘Don’t be silly,’ said another creature, ‘look at us.’

‘Yes, well, you are clinging on the wall, aren’t you?’ Dot argued.

‘You can do the same. Just try,’ suggested the first little creature.

Dot didn’t hesitate, she put her two feet on the wall. The creatures shuffled to give her some space. And she stood.

She was just about to argue that the wall, she was standing on, was actually vertical, but then she noticed that from where she was standing right now, it seemed to be horizontal enough.

‘See?’ said one of the creatures, grinning. ‘It’s all just a matter of your point of view.’

‘Sure,’ Dot smiled and squatted to fit better in the narrow corridor.

‘Don’t you want to know who we are, and how we ended up here?’ another creature asked her, frustrated.

‘Sure,’ said Dorothy quickly. ‘Who are you, and how did you end up here?’

‘We are sunbirds,’ murmured the creatures in unison.

Dot looked at the sad, grey, chubby creatures who were clearly living their miserable lives clinging to these walls. ‘What?’ she asked. ‘Sun-birds??’ She really did try hard not to sound as if she was laughing at them or anything. The sad creatures were nodding. Dot stared at them, totally baffled.

‘We are sunbirds,’ said one of them, ‘ so our wings can only open up in the sunshine. In this eternal darkness, we will slowly turn to stones, then, eventually, we will turn to dust.

‘Then why don’t you go out to the sunshine?’ Dot cried.

The creatures gave her some sad smiles. ‘Why don’t you go out into the sunshine, eh?’ one of them asked her gleefully.

‘Well,’ said Dorothy, ‘it’s night time at the moment, but –‘

‘There is always night time here,’ murmured the creatures.

‘Of course there is always night time here, in this dark corridor, but –‘

‘Here,’ a creature interrupted her, ‘in this world, it’s always night time.’

This is when Dorothy understood where the Dark Figure had made her enter into.

–

As Alice stepped out of the hospital, she found herself in a forest, again. Only this forest was a lot denser, darker, scarier than the last one. Every tree, every branch seemed to reach for her, they leaned, swung and circled continuously. And there was constant crying and wailing to be heard from everywhere. ‘Not again!’ Alice whispered.

‘Help us, save us, take us with you! Help us, save us, take us –‘ everything seemed to beg her.

Alice knew perfectly well that she mustn’t stop. She tried to advance decisively, she held the white pebble really tight, and tried to keep the branches out of her way, or keep herself out of their way, or just to somehow keep walking.

‘Help us, save us, take us with you! Help us, save us, take us –‘ the forest begged her.

Alice’s steps slowed down. She became unsure. She kept stopping.

‘Help, help!’ cried the forest.

Alice’s heart became heavier and heavier. She knew perfectly well that she mustn’t give in. Still, she couldn’t take it anymore. She stopped, curled up on the ground and covered her ears. In vain, of course. The voices didn’t come from outside so it was not so easy to stop them. ‘Help us, save us, take us with you!’

‘Stand up!’ someone touched her shoulders.

Alice wasn’t surprised, she was angry. ‘Why did you leave me?’

‘I wasn’t there with you when you were that little, was I?’ he answered.

Alice looked at her hands. She had her wedding ring on again. It clinked with the white pebble.

Her companion held an iron-framed mirror in front of her face.

Alice looked at her reflection in it. She tidied her hair a bit. She was about to smile at her adult self when she suddenly noticed that her reflection was not alone. There was Dorothy there. Standing right behind her.

Alice knew that there was no point, she still turned swiftly, only to see that there was no one behind her, only plants, non-speaking, unmoving ones this time. She wanted to look again at her daughter’s lovely face, but the other one had already put the magical mirror away. ‘Give it back,’ Alice begged him.

‘There is no need,’ said he, ‘you know very well that she followed you.’

Alice sighed. She held the white pebble even tighter.

–

‘I see,’ Dot said. ‘Don’t worry. You’ll get the sunshine back soon!’

The sad grey creatures looked at each other, cleared their throats, they murmured, incredulously. Eventually, one of them cried out, ‘Please hurry! We don’t have much time left –‘

‘All right,’ said Dot, smiling at them reassuringly,‘I will. Farewell for now!’

The sad creatures looked away.

Dot hurried on, walking on the wall that was clearly horizontal by now. Soon enough, the corridor ended. There were just walls around her. She definitely didn’t want to turn back, so she shut her eyes tight and simply walked on.

There was no obstacle in her way.

–

They walked on together. The forest stopped crying, everything seemed peaceful at the moment, although Alice knew this was only an illusion. ‘How can I find Dorothy?’ she asked.

‘You can’t,’ her companion answered. ‘She will find you.’

They walked on in silence. Alice let go of his hand. Her steps seemed heavier, her body bended, her head bowed. Soon enough, her tears started to flow.

She woke being stroked everywhere. It wasn’t a nice feeling at all, as if some cold, slimy things were sliding on her skin. She opened her eyes.

She was unable to shriek. She wasn’t afraid, she was just utterly disgusted. She tried to break free from the snakes holding her, but she could hardly move at all. The huge animals kept winding on her. They squeezed her so tight, she felt like breaking. When one of them slid around her neck, Alice flexed all her muscles. She prepared herself for the worst. She took her last deep breath, shut her eyes, and expected to suffocate right then and there. ‘Dot!’ she silently cried.

–

Dorothy opened her eyes. She arrived to the sea. The endless blue shimmered in the bright sunshine. ‘Here is the sunshine!’ she thought to herself. ‘I only need to open a portal between these two worlds.’

She looked around but she couldn’t see anything that could have been a portal. The dark, narrow corridor where she came from, where those sad, grey creatures lived, was nowhere to be seen anymore. There was nothing else around her, only the immense blueness in front of her, and the endless sandy beach behind her.

Dot started to write absentmindedly in the sand with the sole of her shoe. As soon as she started to form the letter M, she felt terrible squeezing on her legs, arms, body, and her neck. Of course she knew perfectly well that there was no one around to hurt her, she still hurried to end her writing. When she finished the last M, the squeezing stopped. Dot took a deep breath, and examined the three huge letters in the sand.

When a wave came and rubbed the writing away, her heart shrank.

–

‘Did you have a bad dream, Mum?’ Alice opened her eyes, and wanted to hug her daughter immediately. Only, Dot wasn’t there.

Alice was in the crowded underground, pressed to the door. They have just arrived to a station. People pushed each other in every direction. Alice decided it was best to get off. Eventually, she did manage to exit the train. She looked around. She was somehow familiar with that station, but she was unable to place it.

The only thing she remembered for sure was that rats lived among the rails. And sure enough, as soon as the train had left the station, the dirty little animals crawled out from everywhere. More and more rats came. The tunnel was soon filled with them. Still, more rats kept coming. They soon reached the platform level.

Alice looked around, desperate. She was all alone in the station. The gates were locked, the lights went off right at that moment. She backed until she hit the wall, but she could already feel the animals crawling on her shoes, on her legs. She shut her eyes, and held the white stone tighter. ‘I wish I died instead,’ she thougth again, the umpteenth time.

‘Do you think she can always save you?’

Alice turned towards the voice, furious. ‘No, I don’t think that,’ she hissed.

‘Yes, you do,’ said he, ‘but that’s not true. You yourself have to do something too. You have to pass the tests yourself.’

‘All right,’ Alice said quietly, ‘I understand.’ And she did.

–

Dorothy took her clothes off, and walked into the sea. The water was ice cold, but she didn’t really mind it. She enjoyed the water caressing her body. She swam, towards the sun. When she was quite far from the beach, she took a deep breath and dived. She opened her eyes. There was a wonderful world around her. There were tiny transparent people dancing on the seabed. They held each other’s hand, they danced around, they laughed. Dot watched them, amazed.

Suddenly, one of the tiny people, a little girl, no bigger than Dot’s fist, swam to her, looked her in the eye and smiled. ‘Hannah?’ Dot asked. She wasn’t surprised at all. The tiny girl nodded. Dot held her in her palm, and lifted her to her face. They both laughed.

The tiny girl grabbed Dot’s hair. She wanted to protest, but then, she understood it. The tiny girl hid herself in Dorothy’s hair and disappeared. For a few more moments, Dot could still hear her laughing.

Dot smoothed her hair back, then she kicked herself away from the seabed and swam to the surface.

–

‘Where are you, when you are not with me?’ Alice asked her companion, holding his hand as they were walking through the red, hot desert.

He shrugged.

They didn’t say anything else, until they finally saw the oasis in the distance.

‘It’s strange,’ Alice said, ‘I am not even particularly thirsty.’

‘Yes, you are,’ said her companion.

Indeed, Alice suddenly felt that she would die of thirst unless she can have some water straight away. She looked at her companion, but he only glanced at her before he disappeared.

Alice hesitated for a moment, then she kept walking towards the palm trees. She could hear the water, and there was no place in her brain for anything else at the moment.

She lifted the cool water to her mouth with her hands. But as soon as she drank from it, she spat it all out. Alice looked at her hands in horror, there was blood everywhere.

–

Dot swam to the shore. She could feel something warm in her hair. She was in a complete;ly different place now, there were skyscrapers, office buildings all around her; she could smell the smog of the huge city. She looked back, but the sea has already disappeared.

As she looked at herself, she could see she was wearing an elegant, light pink skirt and matching jacket. On her feet, there were light pink heels. Dot was quite a tomboy, normally wearing jeans and riding her skateboard, she couldn’t possibly imagine a situation where she could be persuaded to wear girly clothes like these.

‘Well,’ she shrugged, ‘ there is a time for everything, I guess.’ She straightened her back and started walking towards the city. Her steps were a bit wobbly at first, then she found the right rhythm.

She noticed the Dark Figure through a glass pane, sitting alone at a neon green, plastic table in a cafe, mixing some exotic-looking cocktail with a neon green plastic straw. He beckoned her to come in.

Dot hesitated for a moment, then she straightened her back and entered the building.

The Dark Figure smiled. He stood up politely and pulled a chair for her. He nodded to the waiter who, after a few moments, brought a tiny metal cup for Dorothy with some steaming liquid in it.

Dot lifted the tiny cup, she grinned at the Dark Figure, and suddenly poured the steaming liquid in his cocktail.

The Dark Figure glared at the door closing when Dorothy left the building. He smiled to himself.

–

She came to in a cage. She was curled up on the rough and dirty wooden floor. There wasn’t enough space for her to even lift her head up properly. Behind the bars, there was a merry crowd urging her loudly to do something interesting.

Actually, Alice didn’t mind to perform, she especially liked shocking the crowd. Her only regret was that she wouldn’t be able to see people’s faces afterwards. She turned to the crowd, smiled and slowly chanted, ‘To-le-rance, re-so-nance, dance, trance and chance!’

The crowd then only stared at her empty space.

–

The sun came up, soft grass and forget-me-nots tickled her toes. Dot ran towards her from the other side of the field, and above her, a flock of bright, colourful winged creatures flew elegantly. ‘Sunbirds,’ Alice thought, and hugged her daughter tight.

As Dot hugged her back, from her blonde hair something slipped into her mother’s brown locks. Alice felt the warm movement, but she was too busy now to properly think about it.

She gently pushed Dorothy a little further and she lifted the white stone on her palm towards the sunbirds circling above them. The stone sparkled, shivered, made a summersault, and it turned into a snow white bird, and flew up into the sky. It disappeared in the clouds, after a few moments, with the rest of the flock.

Mother and daughter hugged each other tight again.

Alice felt that her daughter’s body tensed. She turned to look at what Dot was looking at. At the far end of the field, the Dark Figure leaned leisurely to a tree trunk. Alice nodded to him, indicating that he could go away now. Dot stared at her. ‘Who is this, Mum?’ she asked.

Alice shrugged, ‘Nobody. Just an old acquaintance,’ she said.

Dot looked at her questioningly, then she looked at the Dark Figure disappearing behind the trees. ‘I see,’ she finally said.

–

Alice woke late with the mother of all headaches. She was sipping her second black coffee when she heard the key turning in the lock. She quickly smoothed her hair, and ran to the door.

‘You forgot to take the key out, again,’ Edmund smiled, and he hugged her.

‘Mum, Mum!’ Pete grabbed her hand, dropping Leo on the floor. ‘Just imagine, Nanny made me a paper hat, and she taught me to whistle like this,’ he demonstrated it, ‘and we saw a real frog!’

Alice squatted and cradled Pete. She looked up at Dorothy who was still standing in the doorway, smiling.

‘Did you manage to finish your work?’ asked her husband.

‘No,’ Alice confessed.

‘Wasn’t this much peace and quiet enough for you?’ asked Edmund, teasing.

Alice gave this some serious thought. ‘It was’, she nodded.

Then, Dot said, ‘Mum had a proper rest, and she will finish it in no time now. Won’t you, Mum?’

Alice lifted her head, looked at her daughter, and and smiled. She believed her.