The alarm sounds. I climb over John and switch it off.

I sit on the toilet with my eyes still closed, the bright light hurts them.

I take a deep breath and push my face in the icy water I gathered in my hands. I rub my eyes. I start the morning exercise automatically, I watch my muscles moving in the mirror. Then, I let my arms fall.

I put the kettle under the tap, I switch the cooker on. In the meantime, I put my jeans on, click my bra, I look for some socks. The water overflows. I turn the tap off, pour some out, so the water is under the line, then I put the kettle on.

I have no dry socks, so I get a pair of John’s. I hold the socks in one hand while I try to take the top of the coffee maker off. I can’t. I put the socks on the counter and I try it with a tea towel.

I shake the coffee grounds into the bin. Some of it falls on the floor. I kick them under the cupboard. Then, I get the brush instead and try to get them onto the dustpan. I put the ground coffee in the machine and place it on the cooker. I put one sock on.

The water has boiled. I find the teabags and pour the water in the teapot. Some of it go on my hand. I bite my lips. I put the other sock on.

I am looking for a T-shirt. I can’t find the red, the purple is still wet, but the black one is almost dry. It is a bit uncomfortable to have a wet spot on my back, but it has to do. It will dry, eventually.

The coffee is ready. I put it to the side.

I lay the table. The chipped bowl is mine, I give the starry mug to Rhea, I put Rory’s napkin to the wrong side, as he likes it.

I prepare the kids clothes: two pair of jeans, two pair of socks.

I go upstairs.

Rory has kicked the blanket off again, but he is hugging Huggie tight. I push my face into his hair, I sniff his lovely smell. I kiss his face all over, I stroke his back. ‘Rory! Good morning, Rory!’

He streches.

As Rhea wakes, she hugs Ruggy straight away. I bury my face into her long blonde hair.

‘Rory, please put Huggie down.’ He hugs the teddy even tighter. ‘Rory, please eat something,’ I beg him.

‘I’m not hungry,’ he grumbles.

I roll my eyes.

‘Did you put your PE kit in?’ I ask Rhea.

‘Oh, Mum, could you bring it down, please?’

‘Have you got your snack?’

‘I get it in a minute.’

I straighten Rhea’s hat. She pulls it back to lopsided as it was.

‘Have a nice day in school.’

‘Bye, Mum.’

I hug her a bit longer than usual. She glances at me questioningly, then she hurries off. ‘Farewell, Rhea!’ I whisper when the door has closed behind her.

I brush Rory’s teeth, I help him into his coat, I give him Huggie for a goodbye hug.

‘You know that today Dad will pick you, don’t you? Have a really good day!’ I hug him tight. ‘Have a nice day, Ms Boater’ I wave towards the classroom.

As I leave, I touch the sleeve of Rory’s coat on his peg.

I stop outside. I text Sue, ‘I am sorry I can’t go in today, due to someone’s death.’ Then, I delete ‘due to someone’s death’, and send it.

I text B, ‘I’m sorry I can’t make today,’ I type and send it.

Sue has already replied ‘OK, but make sure you come tomorrow.’ I sigh.

I go home.

I look at my reflectrion in the mirror for the longest time. I hug Ruggy and Huggie. Ruggy’s left ear has almost fallen off.

I make coffee, I wake John.

‘You know that today you need to pick Rory up, don’t you?’ I kiss him goodbye in the doorway.

I look at my reflection in the mirror for the longest time. I hug Ruggy and Huggie.

I put my ID in my pocket. I sit at the table. The ink has ran out. I look for another pen and write, ‘The code of the blue bike’s lock is 4408. The red one’s is 1275. The number of the plot is –‘ I find the document and copy the string of numbers, ‘My PIN is 2798. The SM code is 1309.’

After a few moments of hesitating, I write, ‘Burn me and burn all my diaries, please. They are in the bottom drawer.’ I write ‘John’ on the envelop and I place it in the middle of the dining table.

I look at my reflection in the mirror for the longest time. I hug Ruggy and Huggie.

I go to the toilet, I put the rubbish by the door, I put my coat on.

I lock the gate, and I drop my set of keys in our letterbox. ‘Oh, I forgot to take the rubbish out!’ I sigh.

It doesn’t matter now. I leave.